The Reality of Being a Strong Black Woman
I used to daydream about what it might feel like to be white. To not carry the weight of a historically enslaved nation upon your back with every thought and decision. To be seen in society as right and wanted. To be the object of everyone’s affection, the international standard of beauty. To feel entitled and not like you have to be ten times better at everything just to be treated somewhat equal. To not see people that look like your family suffocated in the streets, lynched in the parks, and murdered in their own homes.
Then I’d wonder, do people wonder what it’s like to be Black? More specifically, do they ever wonder what it’s like to be a Black Woman? Probably not. All of the desirable aspects of Black womanhood are stolen and appropriated and the less desirable are often ignored or fetishized…by everyone.
I wondered but never wished to be white, because even with the systems of oppression that plague my community I’d only ever choose to be a Black Woman.
All week long, I’ve known what I wanted this blog post to be about. All week long my heart has been heavy thinking about the reality of being a black woman in America — and in the world — right now. All week long, I’ve stared at a blank screen, trying to piece together the perfect combination of words to describe how we’re feeling. Then I realized that I couldn’t form the words because I was trying to write about we from a place of me. I wouldn’t be able to survive and thrive as a Black woman if I were only able to lean on me, so how could I write something like this alone? I’m blessed to have an amazing network of Black Womxn in my life, so — after realizing that fact — I asked some of them this question: What does it feel like to be a Black Woman in America right now?
Now I know you didn’t necessarily ask, but we’re telling you — we feel: heartbroken, exhausted, and lonely, but also empowered and resilient. Conflicting and confusing? I know, allow me to me explain.
We’re heartbroken…
“Black womxn in America learn to accept heartbreak as an inevitable characteristic of our existence.” ~ Tiara G.
When our brothers, fathers, uncles, cousins, and loved ones don’t come home before it gets dark, we worry. We become overwhelmed with thoughts that the people that we love might become the next hashtags in our fight for justice. We’re “disappointed in our leaders, government officials, and police officers, for condoning and repeating” (Esther O.) the same injustices over and over and over again, with seemingly no repercussions. We wonder how, even in the midst of a pandemic, racism is able to rear its ugly head in this huge and pervasive way. We wonder when we lock our doors at night if we and the people in our homes will be able to see another day.
We’re exhausted…
“To be a Black Mother right now I feel: anxious, stressed, powerless. As much as you want to protect your children, only so much is in your control. You fear that what you’ve done and what you said won’t be enough. Even when you’ve done your best.” ~Leticia P.
This week, at dinner with my family, we had an hour-long conversation about what to do if/when we’re pulled over by the police. I don’t know that I’ve seen my mother this wrought with emotion and ferocity in a long time. I can only imagine what it must feel like to be instructing your adult children on how not to lose their lives for simply driving while black, but that’s the reality of our livelihood in America right now.
“As a black womxn in America right now, I feel a range of emotions: deeply saddened, disappointed, worried, and overwhelmed.” ~Esther O.
Everyday that we wake up and go about accomplishing our daily responsibilities, we’re plagued with the understanding that our existence is political and our lives aren’t valued by most. We’ve become so accustomed to the stress of this range of emotions that we’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel light. We “forget that just being is [our] humanly right,” (Tiara G.) Feeling like the burden for change is placed upon our shoulders, we often forget to take time to remember that we have to be invested in our daily healing in order to continue our fight towards justice.
“I’ve felt desensitized as I watched the same conversations take place and Black women continuing to be the bearers of responsibility and emotional labor. I feel tired. Like a dog chasing a tale. Rest has been my most utilized resource through this time.” ~ Ashlea H.
We’re lonely…
“Being Black women in America is so tough because you feel like the backbone of the black community, but then you’re constantly overlooked and disrespected by Black men and the rest of society. The fact that Breonna Taylor’s death got such little media attention is really heartbreaking, but not surprising unfortunately.” ~Isi O.
Some days, a hopelessness creeps into the mind of the Black Womxn because it feels like although “we all raised our voices and stood up after George Floyd,” (Tasha G.) we’re passionate about a movement that isn’t necessarily liberating us as a Black Womxn population (Darel S.). When we read about what happened to our sister Oluwatoyin Salau or see that Breyonna Taylor’s killers are still free and that the hype around her is starting to die down, we feel “a heartbreak that members of our own community don’t understand — and [sometimes] contribute to,” (Tiara G.).
These occurrences bring up the times and memories from our pasts where we’ve been made to feel like less than from both non-black and black people alike. As Black Womxn, we fight everyday to support and uplift each other while the world continuously tries to tear us apart — re: colorism and texturism, but y’all aren’t ready for that conversation yet.
We feel oppressed by society and often times neglected by our own community. Still we remain effervescent and alive because of the the love we have for each other and the strength that our ancestors have given us.
We’re resilient…
“I love being a Black Woman because I know that the depth of my spirit is directly correlated to the legacy I belong to and am actively shaping.” ~ Ashlea H.
Being a black woman is frustrating, tiring, and triggering. We fight everyday injustices sternly and silently and we make it look easy. Even through all that, there’s so much strength in our history. There’s destiny in our smiles. There’s an “undeniable extra something special” (Leticia P.) from our tone to our cheekbones and our curls to our curves that come to life in our complexions and lend us an undeniable power to go on. That’s what makes us resilient.
We’re empowered…
“We’re on our way up. We have so much pride, that’s what it feels like to be Black in America right now.” ~ Tasha G.
“I feel like we’re being recognized a tad bit more. Like people are finally hearing our voice. Obviously, because we’re trending but I’ll take it..” ~ Mariah H.
It’s no secret that the Black Woman is the most oppressed person in American society — you don’t have to argue with me on this one, it’s simply fact. Some days we feel “triggered, unseen, afraid, frustrated, disappointed. Other days we feel strong, empowered, liberated, determined, and hopeful,” (Destiny G.). However, everyday we feel that, in the same way all lives can’t matter until Black Lives Matter, Black Womxn’s Lives must be fought for and valued in the same way that we fight for justice for Black Men. We’re at an unprecedented point in American history, where it feels like people are actually listening. Our allies seem to be stepping aside and amplifying our voices, the older generations are beginning to hear what we have to say, and people worldwide are tuning in. We’re going to continue to keep fighting for us, but will you?
We all have our own methods of fighting and dismantling our racist system and these words are mine. I hope that when you read this you feel uncomfortable and compelled to change. I hope you share with others that need to know that we have a long way to go and this is just the beginning. I hope you actively think about what you can do to listen to the Black Womxn in your life and fight alongside them.
As always thank you for the honor of your time. SUBSCRIBE down below (at the very bottom of the page) and let’s stay in touch!
Yours Truly and Truly Me,
Maya G, #BlackLivesMatter
This post is dedicated to all of the Black Womxn in my life that have shaped and molded me into the strong woman that I am today. Special thanks to the women that lent me their words as I struggled to find my own for this topic.
Thanks to:
@_shastamoon
@ashleafaith
@minglewithmariah
@destinyayanna
@isiokojie
@tashasnaps
@leticiapete
@duurrl
@oyeahesther
